Original Intro:

Music fans across the world have been learning to play the guitar since ancient times. Each generation of guitar players has been different than the last becoming more and more unique each time. Today it seems as if things are changing a lot more. Some may say that guitarists are headed in the wrong direction with the new video game Guitar Hero. Playing a video game based on a guitar definitely will draw attention to younger generations, but maybe not necessarily in the right way. The interest of learning the real guitar will decrease with the popularity of these new games. The difference of being able to play a Guitar Hero game compared to a real guitar is like black versus white. The controller for the game has five buttons where a real guitar has six strings ranging from twenty two to twenty four frets. Also kids are getting into rock music for all the wrong reasons. They shouldn’t have to resort to a video game to find out music.

Revised:

Music fans across the world have been learning to play the guitar since ancient times with the only influences being other guitarists, or just what they have in their heads. Each generation of guitar players has been different than the last becoming more and more unique each time. Today, stars such as Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin) say that the image of being a guitarist is headed in the wrong direction with the new video game Guitar Hero. Playing a video game based on a guitar will definitely draw attention to younger generations, but maybe not necessarily in the right way. The interest of learning the real guitar will decrease with the popularity of these new games. The difference of being able to play a Guitar Hero game compared to a real guitar is like black versus white. For example, the controller for the game has five buttons where a real guitar has six strings ranging from twenty two to twenty four frets. Also kids are getting into rock music for all the wrong reasons. They shouldn’t have to resort to a video game to find out music. The plain and simple fact is that Guitar Hero is hurting future guitarists.

Without commas or any other punctuation, this paragraph is filled with run-ons and bad sentences:

before: Smoke is not only damaging to humans but also is dangerous for the structure where it is being performed. From a physics standpoint smoke is less dense than air so it will rise to the top of a room. Considering this the cigarette smoke in a bar or restaurant rises and creates a yellow layer of film on the ceiling. This film is very difficult to remove and can also reduce the value on a building in the future if it is to be sold. Where there are smoking people there will be lazy people. Time after time people do not completely put out their buttes. This means that the end of the smoldering ash is dangerously hot and somewhat on fire. It is common for accidents to happen for instance a server bumps the table and knocks the hot butte on the floor onto a napkin. This napkin in turn starts on fire and spreads under your feet until you notice it and it’s too late to get water. The plain and simple fact is that a single cigarette can burn down an entire building. After the Ohio November 2006 ban the probability of building fires being caused by cigarettes dramatically increased.

When fixed, it makes more sense:

after: Smoke is not only damaging to humans, but also is dangerous for the structure where it is being performed. From a physics standpoint, smoke is less dense than air, so it will rise to the top of a room. Considering this, the cigarette smoke in a bar or restaurant rises and creates a yellow layer of film on the ceiling. This film is very difficult to remove, and can also reduce the value on a building in the future if it is to be sold. Where there are smoking people, there will be lazy people. Time after time people do not completely put out their buttes. This means that the end of the smoldering ash is dangerously hot and somewhat on fire. It is common for accidents to happen, for instance a server bumps the table and knocks the hot butte on the floor onto a napkin. This napkin in tern starts on fire and spreads under your feet until you notice it and it’s too late to get water. The plain and simple fact is that a single cigarette can burn down an entire building. After the Ohio November 2006 ban, the probability of building fires being caused by cigarettes dramatically increased.