Original Paragraph:

Although the addition of a sink to every dorm room located in Bowling Green, Ohio would result in numerous benefits and positive outcomes for all students, there are a few drawbacks to this installment.  Obviously, like all other installments, equipping thousands of rooms with an all-purpose sink would cost an extremely large amount of money and would result in a lot of hectic and strenuous labor and construction.  Also, with a sink in the room, there is potential for disaster.  For instance, students could make the mistake of leaving the water running or allowing the sink to become extremely filthy.  However, these are just simple setbacks that could easily be changed or avoided.  For example, the construction could take place in the summer when the vast majority of students are not on campus.  Also, there is no question that the benefits obtained from this addition of all-purpose sinks would outweigh the negative aspects of the installment.  Thus, despite these minor detriments, the addition of a sink to all dorm rooms found in Bowling Green, Ohio is an indubitably fantastic idea.

New Paragraph (Addition of a few punctuation marks):

Without a doubt, the addition of a sink to every dorm room located in Bowling Green, Ohio would result in numerous benefits and positive outcomes for all students.  However, there are three major drawbacks to this installment:  high cost, strenuous labor and construction, and potential for disasters.  It is quite apparent that equipping thousands of room with an all-purpose sink would cost an extremely large amount of money for the university, thus creating a possible increase in the yearly tuition.  Also, the addition of a sink to every single dorm room could potentially create a lot of hectic construction, and could result in a few possible disasters, such as the flooding of a room if a student were to forget to turn the faucet off.  However, these are just simple setbacks that could easily be changed or avoided.  For example, the construction could take place in the summer when the vast majority of students are not campus.  Also, the university, as a whole, could organize some sort of event in order to raise money for the project.  All in all, there is no question that the benefits obtained from this addition of all-purpose sinks would outweigh the negative aspects of the installment.  Thus, despite these minor detriments, the addition of a sink to all dorm rooms found in Bowling Green, Ohio is an indubitably fantastic idea.

***Although, I did not make any major changes to my original paragraph, I did incorporate a few additional punctuation marks, such as commas and colons.  I do not necessarily feel that the changes I made benefitted my paper as a whole, but they did add a bit of change from my original draft.