Original Introduction:

“Each year, approximately 5,000 people under the age of 21 die as a result of underage drinking; this includes 1,900 deaths from motor vehicle crashes, 1,600 as a result of homicides, 300 from suicide, as well as hundreds from other injuries such as falls, burns, and drownings” (“Underage Drinking” 1).  Despite these staggering statistics and the fact that it is illegal in the United States for individuals under the age of twenty-one to consume this deadly drug, alcohol consumption has practically become a rite of passage for the teenage population.  Currently, alcohol is widely available and aggressively promoted throughout our society.  Alcohol use continues to be regarded, by the majority of our nation, as a normal part of growing up.  However, underage drinking is undoubtedly a dangerous act, not only for the drinker but also for the society as a whole, as evident by the number of alcohol-involved motor vehicle accidents, homicides, suicides, and other injuries.  Alcohol abuse among teenagers is more than an individual or generational problem; it is a societal one that needs a resolution, such as lowering the drinking age, implementing alcohol prevention programs into our education system, and raising the price of all alcoholic beverages.

Revised Introduction:

“Gregory M. Hoctor, age 18, a 15 year resident of Wheaton, IL, died Monday, October 5, 2009 at Central DuPage Hospital, Winfield, IL from injuries sustained in an automobile accident.  At the time of the accident, Gregory M. Hoctor was driving under the influence” (Naperville Sun).  Little did I know that only a mere three months after I left for college, I would be informed of a death of one of my high school classmates, Greg Hoctor, a peer who sat only a few rows away from me on the day of graduation.  To make matters even worse, Greg’s death was tragic, exceptionally saddening, and worst of all, self-inflicted.  Displayed by Greg’s behavior and the behavior of thousands of other individuals under the age of twenty-one, alcohol consumption has practically become a rite of passage for our nation’s youth.  Currently, alcohol is widely available and aggressively promoted throughout our society.  Alcohol use continues to be regarded, by the majority of our nation, as a normal part of growing up.  However, underage drinking is undoubtedly a dangerous act, not only for the drinker but also for the society as a whole, as evident by the number of alcohol-involved motor vehicle accidents, homicides, suicides, and other injuries.  Alcohol abuse among teenagers is more than an individual or generational problem; it is a societal one that needs a resolution, such as lowering the drinking age, implementing alcohol prevention programs into our education system, and raising the price of all alcoholic beverages.

Original Conclusion:

In conclusion, understanding the past and current alcohol trends in teenage alcohol consumption is an essential step towards preventing it within our nation today.  When adolescents abuse alcohol, there is a greater likelihood that they will experience problems in school, engage in criminal activity, and partake in dangerous sexual behavior.  Due to these severe consequences, it is vital that as a society, we recognize just how prevalent this problem truly is. As suggested earlier, alcohol is widely available and aggressively promoted throughout our nation.  Alcohol use continues to be regarded by many people, as a normal part of growing up.  However, underage drinking does not only put the drinker at risk, but it puts our entire society at risk as well.  Despite the fact that it is virtually impossible to put underage alcohol consumption completely to rest, there are definite potential solutions that can help prevent teens from engaging in such a precarious life-threatening act.

Revised Conclusion:

The last thing that any individual who has just left for college, eager to begin the next chapter of his or her’s life, wants to hear is that one of their fellow high school classmates made an exceptionally horrific decision; the decision to not only illegally consume alcohol, but then to drive under the influence.  For this reason and many more, it is crucial that as a nation, we strive to understand the past and current alcohol trends in teenage alcohol consumption. When adolescents abuse alcohol, there is a greater likelihood that they will experience problems in school, engage in criminal activity, and partake in dangerous sexual behavior.  Due to these severe consequences, it is vital that as a society, we recognize just how prevalent this problem truly is. As suggested earlier, alcohol is widely available and aggressively promoted throughout our nation.  Alcohol use continues to be regarded by many people, as a normal part of growing up.  However, underage drinking does not only put the drinker at risk, but it puts our entire society at risk as well.  Despite the fact that it is virtually impossible to put underage alcohol consumption completely to rest, there are definite potential solutions that can help prevent teens from engaging in such a precarious life-threatening act.

**I decided to try using a personal incident to catch the interest of my reader.  I feel that this may engage my audience and make them want to read more of what my paper has to offer.  However, I think that I like my original ides the best