Unit 2 was probably my favorite unit that focused primarily on technology and literacy. In this unit, I made a PSA with my group which was about the dangers of children being on the internet. Our PSA shows how kids have a chance of putting their lives into the hands of internet predators. The second PSA on this page is a PSA called “Tolerance PSA: Dear Parents” which is the PSA that I did my rhetorical analysis about. My rhetorical analysis was next, which takes a deeper look into “Tolerance PSA: Dear Parents” and the choices that were made. My rhetorical analysis will give you a different view on the PSA and its effectiveness. I decided to revise my rhetorical analysis, which is included after the original, as well as my reflection of why I chose to revise the rhetorical analysis. CHECK IT OUT!
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Group PSA By: Kareema, Laura, Mia and Jon:
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Rhetorical Analysis PSA “Tolerance PSA: Dear Parents” (YouTube.com):
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~~~~Rhetorical Analysis~~~~
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~~~~Rhetorical Analysis Revision~~~~
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Rhetorical Analysis Revision Reflection
For my first revision, I chose to revise my rhetorical analysis. I chose to revise my rhetorical analysis because it was the assignment that had the second lowest grade. I also chose to revise my rhetorical analysis because I felt like it would be somewhat easy to revise once I saw what I did wrong. I felt as if I would be able to make these changes with no problem because I understood what would make my paper better. The last reason I wanted to revise my rhetorical analysis was because it was one of the easier papers for me to write and I wanted to improve it.
For my revision, after meeting to discuss what I would do, first I re-read my paper. This helped me in remembering specifically what I had written so that I could apply my changes to fit in correctly. After reading my paper over, I worked on each individual paragraph re-structuring each sentence. This meant adding on to a sentence, editing the sentence or even deleting the sentence. While editing each paragraph, I also looked for any grammar mistakes that were pointed out in my original paper, and I changed them. I also deleted my entire last paragraph, which was my conclusion. I deleted my original conclusion and re-wrote a completely new paragraph because my old conclusion paragraph was too repetitive. Therefore, I wanted to start fresh so that I would not make the same mistake. Overall, I made the changes that were commented on my original paper and changed anything that I did not like.
I believe these changes made my paper stronger because I added more detail into my analysis. I was more specific as to why I think certain decisions were made in the PSA. I think this helps in my analysis because it makes my point more valid by having details. I also think these changes made my paper stronger because it looks better organized since there are less grammatical mistakes. The last reason I think these changes made my essay stronger, besides the fact I was told they would, is because I gave more attention to the less obvious points. For example, I talked about why the author did what they did and how it had such an effect on the audience. Overall, I think my revision is a lot stronger than my original paper.
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