All in My Head (Discourse Chronicle)
Comments(3) [For a while now, I fought with a number of my personal demons such as jealousy and competition, but now I believe I understand why I lost control of them. Last semester, I failed a graduate course (a C = an F in graduate school) and that experience left me flawed and feeling inadequate. I corrected myself by internalizing competition so much that I felt an extreme amount of jealousy and I allowed that to consume me. I lost sight of who I am until now.
I forgot that graduate school is not a competition and colleagues are not obstacles. All of us are future scholars learning to live an academic lifestyle together and if we must compete, then it is with ourselves. Self-competition is more like setting an attainable goal and holding ourselves accountable. I remember spending time learning coursework my way and being happy if I applied it to something I care about. Approaching coursework and a professional lifestyle using such a state of mind helped me spend more time enjoying life rather than wallowing in paranoia and misery. BK]
category: Life
That a boy bob. Now you’re learning. I spent a lot of time my second year in grad school dealing with similar problems (right down to the coursework issue). I got so hung up on that that I essentially sabotaged myself. I was so worried about trying to be the best that I forgot why I was there. I’m glad you realized your error while you are still in. Success for you is imminent.
Thanks, Ted. Now if only I could get my parents to understand what becoming a professor means and how much time is required, then they will finally let me go and stop believing life may be put on hold for them. I hope someday my life will become truly mine.
You might need to remind you parents that if you settle for less then you want this could cause you extreme personal unhappiness, and they want you to be happy right?! That sounds easier then actually doing it. I’m trying to prep my family for the idea that I will move away to do a PhD and will not be present for several years right now. The reception has been lukewarm at best, but I will be very unhappy with myself if I don’t try and will regret it.