Sex/uality Artifacts

Hello everyone,

My name is Kelly Brooks and my second artifact relates to our reading, “An Affair to Remember”.  I chose the video “Sex and the Nursing Home” because I think the experts brought up a lot of very good points that speak to the nature of sexuality among the elderly and the problems that have risen in the nursing home regarding it.

Many of the elderly people who reside in nursing homes have dementia, like Bob and Dorothy from the reading.  While attitudes and beliefs about sexuality among the elderly differ, many people particularly take issue with the idea of someone with dementia engaging in sexual activity.  The problem with this focuses much on consent and whether or not someone can truly give consent if they are not in their right state of mind.  In the article Bob’s son was very against his father having sex with Dorothy and in this situation, he considered her as the “aggressor”, as if she was acting out inappropriately or taking advantage of his father.  Bob believed that it was possible she would want him to marry her so she could have his money when he died.  However, Dorothy’s daughter was very happy her mom found someone she loved, especially so late in life, and recognized that it was a good thing for Dorothy.  Even the doctor said that sex was very good and healthy for the elderly and that it wasn’t dangerous for them to be engaging in it, but quite the opposite.  As shown in the article, reactions to this can vary, but those who disapprove tend to STRONGLY disapprove.

In this video, the experts discuss that often the staff in nursing homes are extremely uncomfortable with the residents engaging in sexuality–so uncomfortable that they don’t want to discuss it and when they report it, they do so in a pathologizing way.  Often, the families of elderly nursing home residents will receive a call from the nursing home staff, saying that their parent is being “inappropriate”, “acting out”, or being a “pervert”.  The experts urge families to ask lots of questions because it’s very common that this behavior is actually happening within the relationship of a husband and wife or a romantic relationship that has formed over time within the facility.  Many people tend to view the elderly as they do children, people who aren’t sexual and shouldn’t be partaking in sexual activity.  However, we are all sexual beings and that is not something that dissapears when we become older.  As the experts said, “you’re never too old for romance”, and intimacy can be a wonderful thing for these people living in the nursing homes.

This video touches on the idea that society tends to reserve the right to sexuality for only a certain age group of people, restricting and/or barring these rights from elderly people in nursing homes.  But elderly people deserve privacy and they have the right to express their sexuality and have intimate relationships.  It is normal for sexuality to take place throughout the lifespan because human beings were made for companionship.  I think that the faculty in nursing homes ought to consider their attitudes and policies regarding this matter, because a lot of harm can result from the way we choose to react in these situations if we are not careful and sensitive to the needs of the elderly.  Rather than projecting onto them what we think they ought to do and not do, we must recognize their right to make those decisions for themselves and respect their needs, desires, and wants.