Each student is expected to read your classmates’ papers. Respond to at least two student papers. Please don’t respond to the two essays you read in our peer review session. The purpose of this mutual beneficial activity is to let you read more and help the writer to figure out a revision proposal. Their feedback will help you with your revision as well.
Please include both positive comments and areas that need improving. All students need constructive comments, although being polite is good.
When you reply, make it clear whose post you respond to.
10:05 am - 10-2-2009
George Morgan
Jie Li
GSW 1110
Essay 2 Draft 1
30 September 2009
Rugby: The Better Sport
Every American knows about the sport of football. Ever since they were little, they grew up watching it at the stadiums or watching it on TV. Watching as two teams clash in a battle to win, but everywhere else in the world there is a different sport, the sport of rugby. They do the same thing as the Americans are doing but with the sport of Rugby.
Rugby is pretty much the world’s version of football. Two teams clash in a battle trying to keep position and eventually score and win the game. Some say rugby looks like a combination of soccer and football. Even though rugby and football are alike in some aspects there are still some differences that make rugby a better sport and so liked all around the world instead of football. Differences like endurance, no padding, and technique to win.
To begin, one difference is endurance. In both sports, endurance plays a key role. Football games are 60 minutes long with quarters and half-time. Rugby games last for 80-90 minutes with only a half-time. Also, during the game, a team has unlimited substitutions in football. So, whenever someone needed a break from the game they could get subbed out. In rugby, you are only allowed 7 substitutions in a typical pro game (American Football vs Rugby NA). Because of the limited substitutions, rugby players have to be wise and only substitute when a player is injured or is exhausted. Lastly in football, after a tackle is made, the team is giving a quick minute break while they come up with the next play. In rugby, the game does not stop for a tackle, it keeps going on. So, when a football player plays a shorter game, gets breaks during quarters, half-time and in between plays while a rugby player only gets a half-time, a rugby player tends to have more endurance and so it makes rugby a better sport.
Along with the endurance, football players use helmets and pads. Even though some rugby players also have pads and scrum caps (their version of a helmet), they are very light so doesn’t give a lot of protection. Some people like Robert Fawcett says that a football player makes harder tackles and so needs the extra protection while rugby players rarely make hard tackles and so the amount of padding evens each other out. The thing about this is that even though football players have harder tackles, after the main tackle with the ball carrier is done, the game stops. The players get up and huddle up and get a quick minute break while thinking of the next play. In rugby, the play does not stop after the ball carrier gets stopped. The game continues in a ruck, the balls gets out and then it repeats. This goes along with the endurance aspect in that even though a football player tackles harder, he gets a quick break afterwards while the rugby players continues to tackle and run and play.
The last main point is technique. In a football game, after every play the team gets together and figures what play to do next. The offense has to figure out if they want to run it or pass the ball up. In rugby, the ball cannot be passed forward unless it is kicked. It makes it hard for rugby players because the only way u can toss the ball, it has to go opposite of the way you want to go. Because of this you need good technique to figure out a way to get the ball up the field and keep possession. Also, when the game is being played, the two teams playing rugby come together as two big lines, coming together to clash. In football the majority of players are in two line crashing together but you also got a few people off and about trying to be open to catch the ball. Since in rugby there is offside’s and you cannot throw the ball forwards, there has to be a lot of technique involved to get the ball to the try zone.
So when you take a look at both sides, which one sounds like a better sport? The sport with hard tackles but then a bunch of breaks and the necessity of pads or the sport that keeps the game going, no breaks, tackle after tackle with no stopping the play? The game that involves a different assortment of passing and running plays or the sport that involves two lines of men or women clashing and the only way to pass is backwards so needs more technique to get the ball up the field?
10:09 am - 10-2-2009
Dorm Life
“Going to college and living in a dorm is a living and learning experience,” (O’Leary-Buda). Living in the dorms on campus is better than commuting because you right in the center of everything. It’s easier to become part of campus when you are living here. Living on campus can be the best experience of your life. You do not get the whole “college experience” if you are driving from your house to the college and back all the time. Why would you pass up an opportunity to live on your own? In college you get your own space and with that space comes freedom. Living on campus improves your grades, helps to build better friendships, your closer to the university itself, it is easier to find help, motivation and you get to get away from mom and dad.
The biggest thing in my opinion is living closer to the university. If you live on campus you do not have to worry about gas money or making it to class on time in the chance that your car breaks down or the weather is bad. When you commute it can be a tiring process. You have to wake up earlier, way earlier depending on how far away you are coming from. Also, everything affiliated with the university happens either on campus or right next to it. Why would you not want to be right in the middle of that? If you live on campus it is easier to promote the campus life and the university to friends, family and the public. It is also safer if you live on campus. To help you stay safe on campus you should “study the campus, share your schedule, travel in groups, gauge the social scene” (O’Leary-Buda).
The second thing that is most important, in my opinion, is the friendships you will make. You have to get to know people, and what better way than to live with them. A lot of people talk about having a bad roommate experience in college. Just like in the real world, you’re not going to like everyone you meet. You should just try and get along with that person even if it is just saying hey every so often. If you just cannot meet in the middle then go make friends with other people. No one said you had to spend all your time in your room with a person you just cannot stand. Dorm living teaches you how to live with others and make lifelong friendships, or how to deal with people that you would never speak to. A great way to make friends in the dorms is getting involved in any activities put on by your residence hall. This will help with making new friends who do not live on your floor.
In a dorm you are more motivated to do your homework and go to class since everyone around you is doing homework and going to class. In a dorm you have the help you need right there. If you live at home though you have to email or somehow get back to campus to go to the writing center. Your Resident Advisors are also great and able to help right there on your floor. I know as a freshman I have gone to my Resident Advisor a lot. That is why the university has Resident Advisors on every floor, to make you feel more comfortable and to help you out with any problems you have in classes or just with college in general. At home you are by yourself no one around you is going through what you are, usually. I think that living in the dorms takes a lot of the pressure off of students, especially freshman. It is always nice when you are thrown into a new situation to see other people who are in the same boat. At the same time though you can see the older students and they can help you with whatever you need.
Also, by living in the dorms you get the feel of what it is like to have your own space and to have to take care of that space. You can do pretty much whatever you want to your dorm room. Most people have a room at home but don’t really have to worry about doing laundry or cleaning it. If you live on campus you have your freedom that you didn’t have under your mom and dad’s roof. You can leave and come back when you want and you don’t have to answer to anyone about where you are going or when you will be back. Living in the dorms helps kids to become independent from their parents. Dorm life helps prepare young adults for the chores and hassles of having their own apartment or house someday. When living in the dorms they have to do their own laundry, get or make their own food, take out the trash, and learn to do homework without being told.
In the end living on campus is just better all the way around. You get to meet new people and have fun.
10:10 am - 10-2-2009
Sydney Williams
Jie Li
29 September 2009
Argumentative Essay Rough Draft #2
Musically Important
In “America the Beautiful” and the “National Anthem” freedom chimes high, but in some schools across the nation music cannot be heard around the classroom. This is a growing problem with budget cuts in schools. The first classes to go are the music, physical education, and art classes. Music is everywhere you go; on TV, on the radio, in stores, in church, in football, basketball, and baseball games. There are concerts where people go to listen to music. There is no escaping from music. So why would the Board of Education want to take away music in schools where the musicians are born? Music education is a crucial aspect in a child’s life.
To begin with, music education needs to remain in schools. Young children come in contact with many new experiences in elementary school, and their young minds learn so many things. When music is taken away, they lose an experience that they could have had. The children who were already in the music programs would be upset if the programs were taken away. If a child learns music and loves it, they will most likely become a musician for the rest of their life. Musicians of today like Taylor Swift or Beyonce Knowles have been brought up with music surrounding them for their whole life. Without music being available for them, they might have chosen a different path for their life. Being in a choir or in a band is a fun experience that is secretly disguised as a learning experience.
Secondly, learning music improves reading, math, and social skills. When children are involved in a choir, they learn to read the words and notes of music (Keep-Schools). When they learn the notes, they learn the connection between the placement of notes on the staff and the tone variations (Keep-Schools). These musical skills help improve reading skills. Math skills also improve with learning music. Music is written “measures” with a certain number of beats (Keep-Schools). For example-if a song is written in ¾ time, that means there will be three beats per measure, with a quarter note counting as a single beat (Keep-Schools). Children learn counting and fractions through musical instruction (Keep-Schools). This may seem difficult, but for those who believe music is just fun-they are wrong. Lastly, music helps improve social skills. Singing in a choir or playing in a band requires interaction with other children. Children learn to take turns, listen for their cue, and respect personal property (Keep-Schools). Artistic expression can help improve a child’s self-esteem and build confidence (Keep-Schools). Some studies show that it helps breathing and speech disabilities improve (Keep-Schools).
There are those people out there who believe that music education is not important. They think that music is all fun with no true meaning. They also think that music is pointless and it takes away from their academics. Well they are extremely wrong. There are many foundations that try to raise money to keep music education in schools like VH1 Save the Music and SoundTree. These people have been trying to keep music education alive since 1997. Their mission is to bring music education back to America’s public schools and raise awareness of the positive impact music participation has on students (VH1-Alive). A supporter of the fundraiser named Pat Pritchett said “The goal is to have every child have access to a complete, balanced, and sequential music curriculum. We consider music to be a part of the core curriculum and know that students who are involved in music also do better academically in other subject areas.” (VH1-Alive)
So if there are fundraisers and activists trying to get people to realize the importance of music, then why do school boards who have to have budget cuts take out music programs? Music programs are just as important as reading, writing, and arithmetic. Music is not just fun and games; it takes hard work and dedication. It takes a musician to understand the significance of music to daily life, and I am one. I’ve been singing in choirs since the third grade and music has become a passion of mine. Music does improve reading, math, and social skills. Music does have a purpose. “Kids who study music do better in school and life.” (VH1-Alive)
10:11 am - 10-2-2009
awww sarah it is better, good job
10:16 am - 10-2-2009
Watch Out! Elderly on the Road
Have you ever been in a hurry to get somewhere, and you ended up behind one of the slowest drivers in the world? You honk your horn in hopes of alerting the person in front of you to find their gas pedal and get a move on. Nine times out of ten that slow driver is an elderly person. Many argue that they should not be allowed to drive past a certain age. Once one reaches the age of 65 and older, their ability to react is not as good as when they were younger. Eyes go bad, memory is lost, and arthritis takes its toll on joints. Once you reach “elderly status” you not only forget where you placed your keys, you start to forget your own name. Should they be allowed to drive? Should states make laws and standards that must be met before one can obtain their renewed license? Those who are age 65 and older should give consent to mandatory testing for renewal of their license.
The evidence of the danger of elderly drivers is overwhelming. The Insurance Information Institute wrote an article entitled “Older Drivers”. Included in this article was many statistics. For example:
“According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration 30 million, or 15 percent, of licensed drivers were age 65 and older in the United States in 2006 NHTSA says 5,932 people age 65 and older were killed in traffic crashes in 2007. This represents 14 percent of all Americans killed on the road” (par. 1).
Many statistics have proven that as one gets older in age they cannot perform to the best of their ability. The author of “Are elderly drivers a road hazard?: Problem definition and political impact”, Roger W. Cobb, acknowledges the trends the elderly tend to have as drivers. “Studies have found four areas of concern: visual search, recognition of a problem, evaluation (making a decision to act) and response (foot to brake pedal). Each reflects ‘a general slowing…with advanced age’” (Cobb par. 3). All of these concerns contribute to the 14 percent of all Americans killed on the road. With age, ones memory starts to go and so does their attention span. Dementia can impact the decline of memory and attention. Also, with age, ones flexibility declines making their motor functions suffer. Arthritis can contribute to this (par. 5). One isn’t able to see as well as they could before either. All of these factors make one wonder: how safe is it really to have an elderly person driving?
“Older people are less likely to survive an injury than younger people” (par. 1). They are so frail and more likely to have medical complications. They do not heal as quickly to injuries as younger people do. For these reasons contribute to the fact that this age group has a high death rate.
Everyone has to get their license renewed. However, many states only require vision tests to be performed. Many receive their renewal by mail without even leaving their home. Nine states, regardless of age, require any dangerous medical conditions to be reported that would impair a driver, including dementia (par. 5). Eleven states are requiring shorter intervals for renewal. AARP, insurers, and state and local governments are teaming up “to help older drivers sharpen their skills as well as recognize their changing abilities and adapt their driving practices appropriately” (par. 2). They are doing more research now to recognize and determine how to modify regulations for older drivers.
However, studies have shown that “older drivers continue to drive as long as possible and resist change to their preferred mode of travel” (Cobb par 5). The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety says that “older drivers are keeping their licenses longer and driving more miles than ever before” (par. 5). They also tend to limit their driving however. Older drivers tend not to drive during rush hour, at night, and during bad weather. Yet, this does not mean anything. Crashes can still happen at any point in the day, no matter what the weather is like or how many people are out on the road. With contributing factors like loss of memory and eyesight and reduced reaction time, limiting time on the road does not really make an affect.
Older drivers, the age of 65 and older, should be required to take a mandatory test when they want to get their renewed licenses. No more mail in renewals. With the decline of eyesight in older people, vision tests should be required. All states should require medical reports to ensure that people in this age group are capable of driving safely and efficiently. Also, once a person reaches 70 and older, there should be a requirement of an annual retest of basic knowledge of the road. Some states are making an honest effort toward keeping the roads safer. They are collecting a lot of information. With the collection of statistics they have made so far, regulations and laws must be made to keep our countries roads safe.
Works Cited
Cobb, Roger W. “Are The Elderly Drivers A Road Hazard?: Problem Definition and
Political Impact.” Ebscohost. Ebscohost. Web. 28 Sept. 2009.
Insurance Information Institute. “Older Drivers.” iii.org. Insurance Information
Institute, Inc., Mar. 2009. Web. 2 Oct. 2009. .
10:39 am - 10-2-2009
Remington Petrow
Prayer in School:
Theological Conundrum
Religion has long been a strong presence in the lives of humans. Whether that has been a positive or negative impact is controversial on its own. However, this essay has a focus on the topic of prayer in school. Whether or not it is required or just encouraged, prayer is unacceptable at public institutions. Separation of church and state is a founding principle of this country. As such, it should be our foremost duty to uphold that principle. Without our principles we have nothing. To long the religious right has cast aside our rights for their own agenda. Prayer in school is unconstitutional and unethical, especially for those whose beliefs may be different or nonexistent. The topic takes on two distinct sides, no matter where you stand on the issue itself. Religion and politics. “It is political in the sense that the issue concerns public policy enforced by the state and it is religious in that it concerns the expression of a religious belief or feeling.”
To begin, the must important concern for many is the legal aspect of the argument. “Prayer and Bible reading in school have led to three major Supreme Court decisions; leading to the proposition of nearly 200 amendments to allow voluntary prayer and to curtail federal jurisdiction in such cases.” Based on studies done and polls taken, it would seem that the majority of the people in the country are for the trampling of our rights and for prayer in school, “despite the fact that it has been banned by the federal courts for more than 20 years.” Majority rule is a popular concept in a democratic political system, forming it’s backbone of decision making processes. However, with history as a guide, we can see that majority rule doesn’t always lead to what’s best, even though many people want it. Look at the rouge politicians, put in place by the people, who’ve abused their powers. Look at the passage of Jim Crow laws that oppressed blacks for years. Luckily, the government has managed to keep in place some of it’s laws and regulations that forbid prayer in school.
Responses to other essays:
1) Nice to see Rugby get some attention, it’s an underrated sport. A good essay that explains the pros of the sport.
5) I always laugh when I read that title. Excellent essay. Great sources btw. yw…
5:44 pm - 10-3-2009
Responses to Student Essays:
1.) Ashley Lindrose has a very good essay and a great start to a paper. I do think that she needs to have some more information and she does need to cite more things but besides that she has a great start. Her introduction is very catchy and the essay overall is well done.
2.) Sydney Williams has a very interesting topic and seems to keep her side of the argument constant throughout her essay. Her transitions are well executed and her paper is not only easy to understand, but it is very interesting and makes you want to keep on reading. Very well done.
10:26 am - 10-6-2009
The New Generation
Have you ever gone to a movie and had a teenage sitting right behind you chattering away on their phone? How about going to a football game and having your drink or hotdog knocked out of your hand by a group of teens running through the crowd? Over the years it has become more and more apparent that children these days act nothing like they did 50 years or so ago.Many children today are loud, rude and disrespectful. The biggest question on this may be, why? Just what are the factors that lead to the vast difference in the way children are today compared to the way they were in past years? Maybe these questions can be answered by looking into the differences themselves. Children of recent generations differ from past ones by their attitude, behavior, and work ethic.
The recent generation appears to have much more of an attitude than older generations. Young people today seem to think that they can do pretty much anything that they want to. They also don’t seem to care about anyone else rather than themselves or a close friend. This self-dependancy may be caused by what is happening in the household. According to Luther B. Otto, author of “America’s Youth: A Changing Profile”, long-term implications for society include; “father-absent and female-headed households, value differences, even subtleties of vocabulary and body language”(Otto 386). These implications therefore act as an excuse as to why some teens act the way they do. Maybe some grew up in large families without a father figure to guide or discipline them. Other families may not value things such as order or discipline and may instead hold different beliefs. Regardless of the reason, this implications will continue to increase among society.
The behavior of teens today is much worse than teens of past generations. Many young people are rapidly becoming alcoholics, addicted to drugs, pregnant and infected with STDs. Young people are also affected with what they see or hear on the television or radio. This then leads children to believe that it is alright to drink, smoke and wear revealing clothes. An article from the Christian Science Monitor states that this behavior could be prevented with actions such as “more community activities for kids, school programs such that explore moral responsibility, more attention to the trends in children’s though by parents, churches moved to fill their roles as agents of moral instruction” (Kids These Days).
The work ethic of young people today is pathetic by the standards of past generations. Many teens today are lazy, never knowing anything other than occasional homework. Some that do have jobs don’t even do work that is considered challenging. They merely do what they are told to, nothing more and nothing less. This unenthusiastic work ethic is not only evident in the work place, but in schools as well. According to Otto, “the national average of all students retained in high school through graduation has been dropping about one half of 1% per year” (386). These dropouts are “less likely to migrate”, meaning that they “may become a permanent economic burden to the state” (Otto 386).
This shocking behavior of todays’ young people is proof of our changing society. It is showing us what is really happening in our homes, schools and communities. It also shows that America is no longer “committed to the worship of God” as it once was (Kids These Days). It also shows that this behavior starts with the parents; if the parents act irresponsible or lazy, their children will soon follow their example. America needs to make a stand for its youth and introduce activities for young people to keep them active and healthy. We need to pull away from the T.V. and radio long enough to interact with family, study for tests, or read a good book. Maybe then the attitude, behavior and work ethic of this generation will be as high, if not higher than the previous ones.
4:08 pm - 2-27-2011
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