By Tyler Buchanan
This entry was posted by tbuchan on March 26, 2012 at 10:20 am, and is filed under Air. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0.
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Tyler, I don’t believe you read for me in class, but I’m impressed by your delivery. You make good use of operative words, pitch and tempo.
But we need to talk about mic placement. First, were you wearing headphones while recording your voice? If you don’t have a pair, maybe you can borrow some. And turn the volume up high enough so you can hear yourself clearly – but not too loud, or you’ll tend to drop your energy. Then try moving the mic a little farther away – you’re too close. And talk slightly across the mic, not directly into it. Play around with the mic’s position, saying words with “p” and “t” and “s” until you don’t hear any popping sounds. Try recording a bit of your script and see if you’ve stopped popping. Keep adjusting the mic until you do. You should be able to hear the difference.
Finally, a question about your story. It almost feels like two stories to me – the first part about a car accident, the second part about maintaining long-distance relationships. Is there some way to weave them more closely together? Maybe something as simple as a transition sentence after the story of the accident to the effect that the shared danger brought you and your girlfriend closer together. Was it the first time you actually met? Say so. Then, in the second part of the essay, refer back to the first part a couple of times. Maybe when you talk about other accidents, remind us of that first one. And bring the accident back to us at the very end, to pull it all together.
You’ve got a nice touch with dramatic writing. I think all this needs is a little of the drudgery part – weaving in a few more threads to make the the whole hang together better. Nice job!