9/4 Reader Response
In my peer review I was told of a few things that would probably make my essay better. I have taken these things into consideration and here are just a few things that I think that I should probably revise. I would like to elevate my vocabulary, as Charity suggested, as well as make my essay have more fluidity. In the revision process I believe that I must reevaluate the state of my paragraphs and their development. I think that sometimes I have strong sentences in the beginning and at the end but in the middle I lose direction, so I am going to go back and fix those paragraphs to make everything more uniform. I also think that I should go back and reread my essay several times, to make sure that all of my thoughts make sense because I do have the tendency to ramble. Two more things that would be beneficial to my essay are analyzing my sentences – individually, as well as analyzing the context of my words. Revising my sentence structure and the vocabulary in it will help me in my goals of gaining fluidity in my writing. I also think that maybe changing some of the transitional words and phrasing throughout my rough draft will help me to have a better flowing piece of writing. With all these changes in my mind I think that my second draft will be much better.