introduction approach

October 28th, 2009 by bakerc

Original introduction:

Many college students go through college wondering how they are going to pay for the next semester or quarter of school. Tuition is increasing 3.5 percent here, at Bowling Green State University, so the school officials and also the state of Ohio should help students figure out ways the students could afford to attend college (Office of Admissions). Some solutions for the students not having enough money for college are to be able to get a job even if the student did not get Federal Work-Study, applying for loans and scholarships, and if none of those work, transfer to a cheaper college. I believe it is getting harder to pay for college, especially in these hard times because of the economy, so if students could get some help from the state of Ohio and the university, it would not be as hard for the students to afford their college tuitions.

Revised Introduction :Narrative

 

                Are you a college student attending a university or know someone who is a college student at a university that has no idea how they are going to pay for the next semester or quarter? Well if so I have some solutions for you. I am a college student at Bowling Green State University and I am in the same position. At the beginning of the year, I was able to pay for my tuition because I had a job before I came to school, but for my next semester, I have to find some solutions to help me pay for my college. The school officials and the state of Ohio should help college students figure out ways the students could afford to attend a college university. Some solutions for the students not having enough money for college are to be able to get a job even if the student did not recieve Federal Work- Study, applying for loans, grants, and scholarships, and if none of those solutions work, transfer to a cheaper college. With how the economy is today, it is getting harder for students to pay for their college education, so if students could get some help from the state of Ohio and the university, students could afford their college tuitions.   

 

Original Conclusion:

Many college students go through college wondering how they are going to pay for their college tuition for their next semester or quarter. Some students do not go to college because they do not have enough money to pay for their tuition. Some solutions for students who need advice to pay for their college tuition are to get a job, apply for grants, loans, and scholarships, and if none of those work the student could transfer to a cheaper college.

Revised conclusion:

If you were one of those college students or you know a college student that does not have an idea how paying for next semester is possible, do not worry there are solutions to that problem. Some students do not attend college because they do not have enough money to pay for their tuition, but there are solutions that the school officials and the state of Ohio can help with that problem. Students can apply for jobs, apply for grants, loans, and scholarships, and if none of those solutions work the student can transfer to a cheaper college. Students already have enough stress on them with their school work, so getting a job is not the best solution, and transferring to a cheaper college is not beneficial because the student could lose their credits. The best solution that a student can take is to apply for grants, loans, and scholarships. All the hard work of filling out the essays and paper work for the grants, loans, and scholarships will be worth it because it is more like getting free money for your college tuition.

 

I think this really helped my introduction and conclusion. I do not know if I will use this introduction in my essay, but I like how I did this conclusion. I always have trouble writing my conclusions for my essay, so I feel how this helped.

Paragraph change

October 1st, 2009 by bakerc

Original Paragraph:

            Some advantages of loft beds are that they save space and provide extra storage under the beds. It also provides room for extra furniture to make a more comfortable place to relax or study. Another advantage is the beds can slide under each other like bunk beds if you take one of the lofted beds down (Debra Menager). In my college dorm room we have our beds lofted and it gives room for a little living room with our television and futon underneath. I like the extra space that it gives, but I do not like how unsafe I feel.

 

Changed Paragraph:

            Some advantages of lofted beds are that it saves space and provides extra storage. It also provides room for extra furniture to make a more comfortable place to relax or study. Another advantage is that the beds can slide under each other like bunk beds if you take one of the lofted beds down (Debra Menager). In my college dorm room my roommate and I have our beds lofted; it gives room for a little living room with our television and futon underneath. I like the extra space that it gives for all of our belongings that do not fit anywhere else, but I do not like how unsafe I feel when I am on my bed. I would feel safer if my bed was down, but then we would not have room for our futon and television.

Paragraph revisions

September 6th, 2009 by bakerc

Original paragraph:

                If I didn’t take my parent’s advise to get a job I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I also wouldn’t be in college right now because I paid for most of my books and tuition that wasn’t covered in my financial aid. I didn’t realize how hard it was to become more responsible until this year when I had so much to pay for. I have realized this year that it takes a lot of hard work and money to achieve what you want. I believe paying for what you want in life makes it more valuable and you will work harder, than if you are handed everything from other people.

Revised paragraph:

           If I wouldn’t of took my parent’s advise to get a job, I wouldn’t be as responsible as I am today. I know if I wouldn’t of got a job I wouldn’t be able to be in college as I am know. I wouldn’t be in college because my parent’s made me help pay for my books and tuition that wasn’t covered in my financial aid. I didn’t relize until this year how much hard work it takes to become responsible. By helping pay for what I need or want this year I relized I have became more responsible in many ways. I don’t rely on my parents or anyone else to pay for what I want. Sometimes it gets hard, but I have learned if I didn’t have enough to pay for what I want then I dont need it. I also relized this year that it takes a lot of hard work and money to achieve what you want. By paying for what you want in life, it makes it more valuable and you will take better care of whatever it is. You will also want to work harder than if you are handed everything from other people in life.

From all deliberate speed: refections on the first half- century of Brown v. Board of education by Charles Ogletree

September 3rd, 2009 by bakerc

My favorite essay out of the three was the one by Charles Ogletree. This one was my favorite because he kept to the point and it really caught my eye. I think this essay works because he kept on topic and he told the reader details about his experience of being the only black student with all whites in his class. I also liked how he told his feeling about being the only black student. Another thing that caught my eye was when the kid called him that name and his reactions to that. This essay showed his emotions through the text which is a good idea when writing.

Thesis Statement

August 31st, 2009 by bakerc

I belive I wouldn’t be as responsible as I am today if I haven’t took my parent’s advice and got a job.

invention and drafting strategies

August 30th, 2009 by bakerc

I agree with the book when about their drafting strategies. I believe going back and editing is very helpful. An essay isn’t going to be perfect the first time you write it. There might be spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors in it that you might not catch the first time.  Another helpful idea  for some people that they talked about was  to start in the middle of your essay and work your way through it. Another idea they had was to work through it first and then come up with a title. I personally do that because after you have all your ideas down, then you will be able to come up with a title that goes along with your essay. Whatever the strategy that works best should be the strategy you should use. In the book, they talked about starting an introduction that gets the readers attention right when they start reading. If your introduction is boring and dont catch the readers attention they most likely won’t want to read the rest of your essay. One more important idea that the book talked about was to build your story to a climax to keep the reader interested in your story.

First essay ideas

August 29th, 2009 by bakerc

For my first essay i’m going to  write about how getting a job made me more responsible. I believe getting a job made me who I am today. If I didn’t have a job I wouldn’t have what I have today because my parents want me to be responsible and pay for what I want. I think everyone should get a job because it isn’t right for our parents to have to pay for everything when we are old enough to work for what we want. I know some parents don’t want their kids to get jobs becuase they want them to get an education. I have had a job since I was in tenth grade and I was able to keep good grades. It was hard sometimes, but now that I look back and see all that I have accomplished, I believe it made me who I am today.

MHG 1st chapter

August 26th, 2009 by bakerc

The first chapter of the McGraw Hill Guide sums up what is expected of the writer’s work. It is telling about how to write as a college student, a professional, a citizen, and a family member or a friend. After reading this first chapter of this book I understand what is expected of me as a writer. I learned when I need to be professional in a email or any other kind of writing. In this course I hope to learn how to become a better writer. I also hope to beable to apply the skills I will learn in this course to my other courses through out college. I plan on becoming a nurse in the future and I will need to learn how to write more professional.


Skip to toolbar